Too Small, Too Tall and Too Far Away
by loveableabusive
Summary: The rabbit hole is gone and Alice, now returned from her adventure to China cannot get back through to Underland to fullfill her promise to return to her friends. Her only contact with them are through her dreams. Can she get back through before she is forced to marry someone she doesn't love? Underland needs her more than she thinks. So Does He. Alice/Hatter. (Maybe M rated later)
1. Prologue

**Hi! For those of you that haven't read any of my fanfictions before, nice to meet you! I hope you enjoy this little stint into Wonderland! I will leave this here and if you enjoy, do pass on a review and give me your thoughts! I will carry this on if people want me to! **

**Too Small, Too Tall and Too Far Away**

**Prologue**

The air was filled with words beginning with L.

Leaves of varying colours ranging from flaming red to deepest indigo drifted endlessly from the leaning trees that sheltered a narrow beaten bath on both sides. The shedding branches stretched out in a wide arch, meeting in the middle and tangling, meshing together so that, from certain angles, the whole scene seemed to be centred around a heart.

And it was starting to get dark.

The air below the canopy of trees positively _glittered_ with tiny orbs of flickering orange light, some softly floating though the shadows but others zipping haphazardly back and forth before bursting in a controlled explosion of smoke. These fireflies illuminated the path, showing the way for the man who did not need to be shown, who knew the path off by heart, now and forever. He did not need to see, so he didn't. He thought instead.

A firefly exploded near his right ear causing a leaf that was floating softly to the ground to catch alight, which in turn singed the hair of the man who was slowly making his way down the path _alone_. He didn't even look up.

The air was filled with words beginning with L. Leaves, light, lethargy. But he was thinking of a word beginning with A.

A very pretty little word, filled with muchness and smallness and tallness and messy hair that he'd love to hat and... missness. Peculiar little word. He added it to his growing list of conundrums. The A word had run away, gone home and, as he walked the lonely route home, we was touched by its absence. There were plenty of A words that still remained:_ Absent, alone, angry, aggrieved, agony... alliteration, _but for some reason, none of these words cut the mustard. It had to be _that_ A word. He was missing that particular A word.

It had only been gone for a little time.

He knew he could use the word in question. Oh yes, he could use it until his voice-box handed in its notice due to overwork but it wasn't the same as it being near him. The word was special but it was nothing compared to what it described. Smallness, tallness, muchness with messy hair that he'd love to hat that brought on a wave of _missness_. Yes, that word helped. _Missness_. Missness for her muchness.

"You are dreary dear Hatter," drawled a voice to the right of the man that now stood, motionless halfway through the heart-like path. "It is as if you hadn't even Futterwackened at all. Dreary mad Hatter. On his way home."

The man turned his head sharply to the right and glared into the pair of green eyes that were peering out of nothingness. "As you have said, I am _mad_." He said softly, lisping sadly. "Changeable is one of the defining attributes of being _mad_. I am expected to keep in this excellent practice."

The eyes blinked and seeping from the blackness between the trees a wide toothy grin materialised, followed by the smoky, shadowy form of a grey cat with wide teal stripes. It floated on its back, arms tucked under its head, the very picture of relaxation and calm. "But it is still Frabjous day, dear chum, why are you not celebrating at Marmoreal with the rest of us? Some of us were expecting to see the Futterwacken again."

"It's teatime."

"It's not always tea time anymore, Hatter."

"But I want tea."

Chess flicked his tail and turned in a lazy loop, running his paw along the brim of the Hatter's hat. "Ah, you are missing The Alice."

The hatter winced at the Alice word and once again returned to his sullen stomp through the beaten path. He never usually came this way, but his thoughts had filled him with A words and his regular route would allow him to think too much. This route had fireflies that liked to steal your thoughts so they did not pop so quickly.

"McTwisp followed her you know?" The Hatter stopped again and stared at the cat that was lolling through the air, toying with a leaf that fell between his furry paws. "He followed her home to make sure she was safe. Do you know what she did?"

The Hatter shook his head, his forehead wrinkling as his bushy eyebrows made a bid to escape to his matching hair, green eyes wide.

Chess grinned, widely. "She Futterwackened."

The Hatter nodded and allowed his feet to take him home, leaving the cat where he was, currently catching more leaves to play with. "Tha's my Alice." He murmured gruffly, so quiet that the forever falling leaves were the only ones that heard him.


	2. Missness

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**Chapter One**

Missness

England was cold. That was what she had forgotten the most about her home. It was cold and it was miserable and a part of her, as her cheek rested against the cool glass of the carriage, wished dully that she was back in china. It was the dreary, dull, tired part of her that had stepped to the fore while her creative, innovative and completely bonkers side of her rested its weary head. She had completely run herself down with the company, needing to put in every fibre of her being to prove to Lord Ascot that she had the same ability, and more, of most of the _gentlemen_ running amok in the company.

Lord Ascot, for the time being, was asleep. He was a kind man, Alice thought as they trundled closer to his estate (where her family were apparently waiting for her, having been invited earlier in the week in preparation for her return) a man who helped her realise what she could become, who had been very forceful about explaining the boundaries to the surly sailors during the boarding of the _Wonder_ and who had come in a carriage to pick her up from the dock when she arrived back on English shores. She owed a lot to this man. The carriage lurched as it rolled over a dip in the road but still he did not wake and Alice was glad.

She rarely had a chance to settle into her own thoughts anymore. She was always too tired whenever she went to bed and any thoughts were closely followed by her falling asleep and whenever she awoke she always had work to do and plans to discuss with the connections of Lord Ascot. On the way home she had spent most of her time with her head over the side or in a bucket. She hated sea travel, she decided.

Thoughtfully chewing on a nail, the young woman lowered her eyes to the dappled patterns the trees were casting on the grassy verge with their shadows. She was going _home_. She smiled, satisfied and closed her eyes. She had done everything she needed to: She proved herself and hopefully made her father proud, had kept to her promise and did not concede to marry Hamish and had kept her muchness intact by not forgetting the important things.

The important things. It was kind of strange that the important things consisted of a rag-tag bunch of oddities that she would probably never even come close to meeting in the real world and stranger still that these rag-tag bunch of oddities were in fact, her friends. They were her friends even though she had not seen them in three years. They were her friends because she saw them everywhere she went, in the unassuming objects that surrounded her. They were her friends because she missed them like a constant ache. Her oddness was not celebrated here as it had been in Wonder- no – _Underland _and she missed the understanding that they gave her. They did not question her desire to fly or tell her that she ought to keep silent about her thoughts and dreams like the prim and proper people of aristocracy and WellToDoness had desired her to do. She did not fit in here and that was the reason she was so excited to be back home.

She wanted to see them again.

She knew, however, that she couldn't simply run off as soon as the carriage arrived at the estate. No, that would be rude; she hadn't seen her mother or Margaret for three years. They would want to talk to her, to hear her voice, to know about everything she had accomplished while in China and she did _want_ to see them, of course she did, they were her family but on the other hand... She missed the way the Tweedles spoke, the eventual acceptance from Mallymkun, the sporadic nervousness of Nivens McTwisp, the sardonic laziness of Chessur, the insanity of the teacup throwing Thackery Earwicket, the airy peace and kindness from the white queen, Mirana. She missed that crazy orange hair, those tea-stained teeth, the bandaged, mercury-stained and thimbled fingers and that _wonderful, beautiful_, _majestic_ hat. Oh, it was the most beautiful hat, complete with hatpins, silken fabric that wound around it and billowed out as the wearer strode though Witzend with a tiny Alice on his shoulder. It was warm and smelled of tea and smoke and _kindness;_ it had kept her safe while she slept, passed out from complete exhaustion. Thinking of the hat was good. It made her forget that she missed the man that went along with it more than she could take.

She was pulled, thankfully, from her thoughts as the carriage turned slowly into the long drive that signalled that they were nearly, so very close to the Ascot estate and the home that sat _so close_ to it.

"We're home!" She gasped, despite herself, slipping from her seat and standing, a little bit bent to better see out the window. At her gasp and movement, Lord Ascot opened his eyes and turned his head, blinking sleepily in the light. It had been quite dark, just before sunrise, when the Wonder had docked and the morning sunshine dazzled him.

"Sit down, Alice." He told the young woman and for once, she did as she was told but she practically bounced on the seat in her impatience. She was wearing an emerald green frock coat, tailored for a lady of course but not so much that it wouldn't suit... _Alice_, and it was buttoned in a way to reveal the white, frilled collar of her shirt. Her legs were clothed in brown riding breeches and the less said about that, the better. The only thing _ladylike_ about her outfit was the way she had pinned her hair out of her face with her new obsession. A hair-clip she had found in China with only one decoration. A plain sort of thing, Lord Ascot had thought it but she had apparently begged the assistant he had sent with her for some of her money, which he kept for safe keeping, to allow her to buy it. She was so rarely frivolous so the assistant agreed and she had cupped the treasure in her hand, smiling like it was the most beautiful thing she had seen. The decoration was of a misshapen top-hat, wrought in some flimsy metal and stuck to a plain old hair-clip in the hope of attracting one of the foreigners to the stall, a present for a far-away wife, but it was Alice that had spotted it and it was Alice that had purchased it.

Somehow, Lord Ascot, upon seeing it on her arrival, believed that it was made specifically for her. It would have made a poor gift, but not to Alice who clutched it to her breast and did not stop smiling for the rest of the day. No other woman would of thought that it was handsome.

Finally, the carriage circled to pull up in front of the estate and Alice had pushed open the door before it had even come to a complete stand-still.

"ALICE!" Lord Ascot's strangled yell could have been heard back in China as she leapt from the still moving carriage and up the white stone steps to the door that was opening even as she approached it. The servant, fairly new, stepped back, with his eyes wide in shock, as the blonde and green blur ran past him and into the wide entrance hall.

She loved this room, she remembered, breathing in the scent of it all as she turned a small circle on the spot, noticing that Lord Ascot was patting the new servant on the shoulder slightly as he murmured to him. Alice did not care what he was saying. _She was nearly home_.

The entrance hall to the Ascot's estate was white – which Alice had always thought was rather silly with the family's collection of hyperactive boys and regular visits from the strange little girl – and attracted dirt and dust easily but, with the constant vigilance of the servants and maids, it was pristine. Every so often along the wall there hung long maroon drapes decorated only by the Ascot coat of arms and the golden edging and tassels at the base. Portraits of long-dead Ascots lined the room and all seemed to look down on her with the same distaste as they did when she were younger and she resisted the urge to prance around in front of them like she had back then. She liked to imagine that her silliness infuriated them even more, but today she settled for a smile.

Memories were good. Her eyes found her way to the stairs which were carpeted only in the middle, a wide strip that followed the curve of the marble in the same maroon as the drapes. The carpet then followed in the same curve that met the flooring that Alice was currently standing on, for a change not muddying things up as she had used to do. The rest of the floor was chequered black and white, a pattern that made the hairs on Alice's arms stand up on end.

"ALICE!" The gasp made Alice look up and, despite herself, grin. Her mother, who was standing at the balustrade on the floor above with her other daughter, had barely changed in the three years that Alice had been away. Her face was split by a beatific smile. Without another word, the woman gathered up her skirts and bolted down the stairs, hand running daintily down the banister before she reached her daughter and flung her arms around her.

Alice returned the embrace gladly, breathing in the scent of _home _with her eyes closed. "I missed you, dear." Helen whispered to her, softly.

"I missed you too," Alice sang. "It's good to be back in London."

"It's good to have you back in London." She stepped back a little and finally took in what her youngest had seen fit to dress herself in. "Heaven and earth... what _are_ you wearing?!"

The grin that settled on Alice's face was half-placating. "It's comfortable to travel in, mother." she told her.

"But..." Helen raised an eyebrow. "You're a young lady... you look..."

"She looks like Alice, mother." Margaret had reached them, moving slower than her mother. "Leave her be."

Helen's lips thinned but she did not say anything else, instead stepping back so that Alice could see her sister proper.

"Margaret!" Alice gasped. "You're... _bloody huge_!" With a smile, Margaret stroked her swollen abdomen fondly, her other hand braced on her back.

"_Alice_," Helen snapped. "_Language_!"

"Sorry, mother." Alice rushed toward her sister and pressed her palms on Margaret's pregnant belly, marvelling as she felt movement under them. "Oh, God! I can _feel_ it!"

"_Them_." Margaret corrected, beaming.

"_Them_?! You're having _bloody twins_?!"

"_Alice_!"

"Sorry mother." Alice's responded automatically, her mind was elsewhere. "How... how do you know how many are _in_ there?"

Margaret's smile did not fade. "The physician and the midwife are fairly certain. They're worried for me but I'll be fine. They told me to get plenty of rest but I couldn't just lie around while mother met you."

She couldn't help herself. "Damn right you should be resting!"

"_Alice_!"

"Sorry mother." Alice frowned a little. "I don't want you to hurt yourself on my account and _why did no one tell me about this_?! I've had letters but nothing about... _this_!"

Margaret grinned. "We wanted to surprise you!"

"Well you did! Hell!"

"_Alice_!"

"Sorry mother."

"What has happened to you? Your language has never been this bad..."

Alice shrugged non-committally. "It is what happens when you spend months at a time with sailors. They do not exactly _curb_ their language in front of young ladies. I was bound to pick up one or two things." She dimly remembered that once near the beginning of the voyage, the sailors had gotten slightly drunk and had shared their stash with the young lady. She had started swearing and murmuring to herself in an accent that she had never attempted but always felt very close to her heart.

"Well _you_ will curb your language here, dear." Helen said haughtily, despite her happiness at her wayward daughter's return. She had a very strong urge to brush her hair and call for a seamstress to start working on more appropriate garb as she assumed the rest of Alice's clothes would be much the same.

"How does Lowell feel about your... bundles of joy?" Alice smile was half-hearted now the conversation had passed, somehow, to less pleasant things. Yes, the notion of being an aunt had positively thrilled Alice but she'd rather the father not be that two-timing, no-good, lying, cheating, snake-in-the-grass scumbag. She kept her thoughts to herself, however, as she would probably not survive the reprisal from her mother.

Margaret's smile did not fade and Alice's heart relaxed somewhat. "He is _over_ the _moon_, dear sister." She said, happily. "Something happened to him and it was... just so sudden. When we realised what was happening to us, he just stared at me like he hadn't seen me in _years_. He was silent for what felt on an age... and then he just..."

"He just...?" Alice prompted.

"Took me in his arms. He's barely left my side since."

Alice was relieved. Maybe becoming a father was just the kick in the backside that Lowell needed.

Seeing her family again had filled Alice's heart more than she had expected but she knew it would not last. It would only be a matter of time before her mother would start picking at her faults and try to set her up with someone who would probably ground her spirit, in an attempt to make a proper young lady out of her. Margaret had her impending parenthood too worry about and would not, for long, be around to indulge in her flighty little sister but Alice decided she would enjoy the company while it lasted.

However, there was still the excitement curling around in her belly that had erupted since she had set foot back on English soil. She was so _close_ to the rabbit hole.

It would be the first time she would seek out the hole with the intent to return to Underland.

Lord Ascot joined the ladies soon after he had spoken to the servants that had met him, taking Alice's trunks to the room she would using before returning back to her proper home.

"Thank you again, Lord Ascot, for allowing us to stay here." Helen said as they were escorted to the dining hall. Alice's arm was looped through Margaret's as they slowly made their way. "Your hospitality has always been legendary."

"You have always been a good friend, Helen." He said with a smile. "Your husband too, god rest him. It is the least I can do."

"Where is your wife?"

"She's visiting her sister up in Scotland. Hamish is with her... Anna is not doing well, I'm afraid."

Alice had to admit, she was relieved. Not only would she be spared the judgemental looks from the lady of the house but she would not have to feel guilty about refusing Hamish's marriage proposal.

"They left yesterday," Margaret told Alice as they entered the hall. "Hamish _did_ want to see you but they couldn't wait. She's fading fast, the last we heard."

The dining hall followed the same vein of decoration as the entrance hall, all whites and maroons with the chequered floor that still made Alice's stomach wobble. The large dark wooden table (Alice did not have the mind to know _what_ type of wood it was) was groaning under the sheer amount of food that had been served for them. Bacon, eggs, sausages, bread roles, mushrooms, tomatoes... everything Alice could imagine wanting to eat for the first breakfast back in England. She stared and wondered how it was expected that they could eat so much but she remembered, in the back of her mind that by all rights, she _should_ be hungry. She hadn't eaten in _days_ thanks to that awful seasickness.

As they sat, Alice turned to her sister again. "Why did Hamish want to see me?"

"You're old friends. Hamish probably wanted to tell you that there were no hard feelings between you both." Margaret smiled as a servant poured some orange juice for her. "He has been courting this _wonderful_ young lady, approved of by his mother of course, and he probably wanted to clear the air. With father's company now belonging to the Ascot family, we will always be close... better for there not to be any differences getting between us all."

Alice thought back to Hamish's mother and wrinkled her nose slightly. "Not all bad blood can be washed out over three years, Margaret." Alice told her. "Some of it does stain."

Margaret blinked. "How revolting. Sometimes your mind does worry me, dear sister... but then you've always been like that." Alice smiled at Margaret's acceptance and reached for her own glass of juice.

**X**

The steam rose from the teacup as the steady stream splashed harmlessly in the porcelain, spotting only once or twice on the pourer's dirty jacket sleeve. His stained and bandaged fingers gently lowered the teapot to the filthy tablecloth and covered it with a silken blue top hat that had sat on the seat next to him before reaching for the cream.

"Sugar!" He ignored the sugar cubes as they flew through the air, bounced off the brim of his hat and curled through the air so they landed with a rattle into the shaking teacup held by a harried looking March Hare. He added cream to his tea and stirred slowly with a small, rusted spoon. He placed the spoon calmly next to his teacup which he then hurled across the table and at an innocent tree. It smashed against the bark, spraying the poor oak with strong, unsweetened tea while the china tinkled down upon the large pile of broken china that had been steadily growing larger over the last couple of years. The tree didn't really mind anymore, he had become quite partial to the tea made my the hatted man. He did not know his name, no one had thought to carve him any ears.

"Twenty-seven thousand, three hundred and seventy-five cups of tea." The hatted man murmured looking around for the tea pot again. "She's _missed_ so much _tea_!"

A dormouse leapt out of a teacup and ran to the end of the table to survey the carnage. The tree was stuck with several shards of china and the pile that sat at its base was testament to how much the Hatter had struggled over the last three years. She peered over at the Hatter, who was, for the moment, struggling with finding the teapot that he'd previously covered with a pretty blue top hat. "So have you, Hatter." Mally said. She eyed him worriedly before racing forward and gingerly placing a paw on the blue top hat he had covered his teapot with, watching his eyes carefully.

"Ah would'n'" The Hatter had frozen in his search for the teapot, his hands flat on the tablecloth and his eyes, swirling dangerously from emerald green to orange and back again, had focused on her while Mallymkun's paw pressed against the fabric. "Ah realleh, _realleh_ would'n'." He repeated, dangerously.

Mally pulled her paw off the hat slowly and the Hatter's eyes, as if someone had let go of a taut elastic band, snapped back to their usual green and he continued to look for his teapot. Mally sighed. "Maybe you should have some tea, Hatter." She told him.

"Tea." He repeated. "I've been making tea." He told her, seriously.

"Yes, but you haven't _had_ any." She pointed at the tree. "It's all ended up on that tree! He's a Tea Tree now! His acorns look like teacups!"

The Hatter thought for a moment. "Tea grown from an oak tree! I must try this!"

"Yes! Try the Oak Tea! But no throwing it!"

The Hatter frowned. "But... I said... no more tea until A... A..." His face scowled. "No. More. Tea." His eyes began to swirl again.

Right on cue, the March Hare threw a scone and it bounced off the Hatter's cravat. He fell off his chair, laughing, not noticing the exchange between the Hatter and the dormouse. The Hatter looked down at the stale scone and picked it up in his hands, turning it this way and that, examining it, his eyes sinking back into their previous, calm emerald. "It's time for a walk." He said suddenly and he jerked to his feet, dropping the scone and reaching for the pretty blue top hat.

Mally watched him go, frowning.

For three years, the Hatter had not drank a single cup of tea. He sits, throws his teacups at an innocent tree, marches off for a walk to Witzend and back before returning to make a hat. Then he sleeps, dreams, thrashing about in his covers before sunrise when it starts all over again. The spare room he has in his poor broken down house was now filled with hats of all different shapes, sizes and types. But he does not let go of the very first hat he made on Frabjous day, the moment he returned to his home.

It was identical to his in almost every way but cleaner, not damaged and without the personally effects the Hatter had previously added to his own, and it was a wonderful pale blue. The same blue of the dress _she _had worn on her very first visit here. The sash around the base was of a darker silk and it flowed like water with the movement as the Hatter strolled down the path.

The hat was for Alice. A welcome-home present.

She just hasn't come home to claim it yet.

Mally doubted she ever would.

**X**

**AN: **Yes I did work out how many cups of tea he would probably have over the three years Alice had been gone for. I thought ten at first and then I thought, no, he'd have more if all he does is sit and drink tea. So about twenty-five, allowing him for his misery-walk and the making of hats and of course, sleep. That's still a hell of a lot of tea.

**Thanks to:**

**James Birdsong:** Thank you! Please enjoy this chapter too!

**Ai Chiyo: **I tried to make it as realistic as possible. He would be saddened by her disappearance and I just wanted to show that. I wanted to make it seem like his actions were all a little bit heavier thanks to her leaving... Thank you for your review!

**Protoestrella1: **Thank you! I hope I get to continue this properly and I hope you enjoy this chapter too.

**Packersgirl12**: Of course! Here you go :)

**Curse you Perry the Platypus: **Um... what?

**Marcelisabeth:** Thank you so much! :) I tried really hard on that and I hope this chapter does it justice :)


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